I Find No Peace
by CassidyTVNut
Summary: He was happy for once in his life, and a law ruined it. He lost everything he held dear, within the space of a year, and its time for him to gradually reclaim it. Remus/OC with involvement of Hermione later in the story. Begins before James and Lily's death and goes through to Post Final Battle
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

**So am expanding into a new ship for me, Remus/OC. This is labelled as Remus/Hermione but it is purely a platonic relationship**.

_He was happy for once in his life, and a law ruined it. He lost everything he held dear, within the space of a year, and its time for him to gradually reclaim it._

'Thia,' he urged. 'Walk a bit faster would you? You don't know who's following us. We must be quick.'

'What you ask of me my love is not simple,' she said softly in response to his tone of urgency, clutching the bundle to her chest. 'She's sleeping.'

'I'm sorry,' he said with a weary smile, turning to look over his shoulder at her beautiful face and teary blue eyes.

'I don't want to do it,' she sniffed, pulling the bundle closer to her and keeping her eyes fixed there, away from his.

'I know you don't my love,' he said solemnly, following her gaze down to the bundle. 'But we can't give her a future, not with things the way they are.'

'The ministry have deserted us Remus!' she sobbed. 'I sense his hand in this Remus! I know because of your condition you were a social outcast, but to prevent you by law having children on pain of death, that is disgusting! She was born under the full moon and she is fine, why have they done this to us?'

'Hush Orinthia,' he said with a frown. 'I cannot explain why they have done this, but I can only assume Lord Voldemort to have a hand in this. You know he has his spies within the ministry, and since I denied joining the cause, things have not been safe!'

'Don't you think I know that?' she spat with contempt. 'They attacked the house in the dead of night during the full moon, when you were powerless to protect us. Thank Merlin I was not showing then, otherwise this option would also have been exhausted!'

'I know,' he replied, emotions running high as he saw the multitude of emotions coarsing through the eyes of his beloved. 'This is for the best Orinthia, surely you can understand it.'

'Of course I understand it Remus, it doesn't mean I have to like it!' she said, prompting the child in her arms to wail.

'Oh my darling I am sorry,' she said soothingly, rocking the child. 'What of her magic Remus? We are powerful, the signs will begin to show early if our childhood's are anything to go by.'

'Lily prepared for that,' he said softly. 'She performed a charm on the baby so that her magical abilities would not come to light until she was 10. It has been arranged with Dumbledore so that when she is accepted to Hogwarts, she will be under her adopted name, not the one we gave her. Just to be safe, I don't want her to fall prey to any errant Death Eaters. I don't know how long this war will go on for Orinthia, but we have to be prepared for the fact that we may never see her again.'

Turning to her now cooing child, Orinthia held her close in the blanket that sheltered her and said tenderly, 'My baby, I pray we will meet again someday if fate allows it. You have an important role to play in this fight, I can sense it. But it is important that you grow up in a safe and certain environment. I am so sorry that your father and I cannot give it to you. So always be strong and true to yourself, regardless of what others think. I love you so much. Our little Ophelia Phoebe Averill-Lupin.'

Straightening her posture and transfiguring her travelling cloak into a shabby but warm jacket, she said, 'Well then, are you ready to play the part of a desperate homeless muggle that can't afford to keep their child?'

Following her lead, he transfigured his clothes into shabby muggles ones and said, 'It's the role we have to play to ensure her safety.'

Pulling his fiancee towards him and planting a kiss to her temple, he said, 'Ophelia, sweet baby Ophelia, this is goodbye. For your mother and I too.'

'Remus, what do you mean?' she asked in quiet alarm.

'I can't ask you to stay by my side when there is so much danger. Go and stay with your mother in the States, it is the wisest option for the foreseeable future. She saw this war coming Thia, you will be safer with her. I'm a marked man, I don't want to take you down with me.'

'So this is goodbye?' she sobbed.

'For now,' he said gently. 'But my prayers will be filled with the hope that we will one day be together again, as a family.'


	2. Forget Not Yet

**Hate to whinge guys, but I haven't had any reviews :( I like reviews, they make me happy.**

**Chapter 2**

I lost everything that day. Of course I still had James, Sirius, Lily and sweet Harry, but it would always feel like a part of me was missing.

When Harry started to crawl, I wondered if my daughter would be doing the same, to the joy of her muggle parents. When Harry first said 'Mum', to Lily's weeping yet proud eyes, I envisioned Orinthia's face lighting up. When James and Lily discussed the possibility of having another child, a daughter, when it was safe, I would dream into the future where Orinthia and I would be reunited with our child and be together, perhaps having more children.

But it was a dream, and in the flat Orinthia and I had shared in a grimy area of London, I lay broad waking, just waiting.

She had told me before she left that problems would quickly follow her departure from my life. I wanted her so desperately to stay, but it was not safe for her. She understood, she saw the pain in my eyes at having to let her go. I love her. She's the only one who's ever been able to understand me, well apart from my friends. Putting it another way, she is the only woman I have ever been with that saw beyond Moony and found Remus.

Our Hogwarts days were filled with the joy I had been longing to experience, the joy of love. When she found me in the Shrieking Shack after a transformation, naked and scarred, I was expecting her to run. But to her eternal credit, she didn't. She transfigured her cloak into a soft woollen blanket and wrapped me in it, pressing her lips to my cheek and whispering to me that it would be okay. Madame Pomfrey arrived soon after, in shock at the scene that lay before her. Yet a smile broke through, she as well as I knew that I had found a truly special person to share my life with.

Things could have only got better from there. James and Lily married and I proposed to Orinthia two years later, when we discovered she was pregnant. I had never been so happy in all my life, to know that my child was stirring in Thia's womb, a part of me and her. Yet I was plagued with guilt at what I'd done, what if the baby was like me? What if it was a werewolf? Thoughts and nightmares like this plagued my sleep throughout the entire pregnancy.

But things got so much worse, to my heart's dismay. The ministry was becoming more and more corrupt by the day under the covert operations of Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters. They wanted werewolfs to be killing machines and servicemen to the Dark Lord. I couldn't do that, I just couldn't, it went against everything I stood for. They found me in the dead of night as I patrolled for the Order of the Phoenix, and beat me black and blue when I refused to join their ranks. I knew from then that things were not going to pan out the way Thia and I dreamt of.

We had to move to avoid them finding us again, cloaked under the Fidelius Charm, with Peter as our Secret Keeper. But something went wrong, terribly wrong, for the night of a full moon, when I was transforming in the woods close to our home, they attacked. How Thia escaped the wreckage was beyond me, how they had even found us baffled me ever so much. I thought I knew Peter, but my senses were making my sceptical towards his loyalty. I suppressed it, blaming it on the wolf for making me so anxious. But it is something that always stayed with me.

Six months after Thia left, the prophecy made by Sybil Trelawney came to light, about how baby Harry would be the one to bring light to a now darkened world. They faced constant attack whenever they went out, before Dumbledore took the action to place them under the Fidelius Charm, with Sirius as Secret Keeper. What hurt me the most was how I was not privy to the address, no one ever told me, and until that October night I found them dead in the ruins of their house, the last time I had seen them was when they invited me to dinner in March.

Sorrow plagued my every nerve ending and I released a hysterical fit of tears I had been oppressing since I lost my family. They believed me to be the spy! In my grief, they thought I had turned to the dark side. Oh what little trust they had in me, I thought as I mourned my two best friends. They distrusted me because I am a monster! And now they are dead, Peter is dead and Sirius is in Azkaban for killing them! Truly, everything had gone.

I went to Dumbledore, begging for his mercy. He knew I was not the spy, despite his original misgivings. I wanted Harry, I wanted to raise him and do it right. I wanted to bring my beautiful Orinthia back and my darling daughter. I wanted to raise them both, now that the Dark Lord had fallen.

Peering at me over half moon glasses, he said softly, 'Remus, I cannot do that. Voldemort may have fallen, but he will return, that can be surely said. He is not dead yet Remus, and whilst his followers still occupy prominent places within the Ministry and society, Harry will still not be safe. As for your daughter, she will still be ostracised as the daughter of a werewolf, she will still live in squalor as society ostracises you. Do you want that for her?'

I shook my head fiercely as he continued, 'Until Lord Voldemort and his followers are stopped from darkening our world on a permanent basis, this is the way it has to be. Orinthia told you before she left that your child will be valuable in the war. Sybil has confirmed this. Until they are ready, they cannot return to our world. The muggle world will teach them important lessons that they can bring back here, it will build their character Remus. For the greater good.'

'For the greater good,' I choked out, turning to leave with a tear in my eye.


	3. To Mourn And Wail

**Thank you to Lily and Woody2792 for my reviews, they meant a lot :) I would love some more reviews, they spur me on to keep writing.**

**I've been out of the writing game for a long time because of sixth form, but I've almost finished so would like to get back into it. I used to write House M.D. fanfics but I lost my taste for the series.**

**Chapter 3**

I'd been wasting time away for so long in my dingy little flat, wishing for a better life and dreaming of the past. Odd end jobs sustained me, mostly in the muggle world, I could hardly go looking for a job in the wizarding world. They saw me for what I was; a werewolf, a monster, dangerous, a threat to society. There was no one left to stand up for me, to give me a chance.

Until a letter arrived for me one June evening, which proved to be my salvation.

_Dear Remus,_

_I find myself at a loss this year and struggling to find a serious contender for the Defence Against the Dark Arts post. Most of the applicants I received have, shall we say, questionable motives and the rest are severely lacking in any experience._

_What I am trying to imply my boy is that we need you. You were the first person I thought of. I beg you to think about it, the castle can offer you sustenance and protection, and as long as the arrangements for your monthly changes are put in place (as they were when you were a student), I see no problem with it. Severus has offered to brew the wolfsbane potion for you so that you may retain your mind during the transformation, which I know you have not taken before due to the price._

_Please consider returning Remus, Hogwarts needs you and quite frankly you need Hogwarts._

_Hope to hear from you soon and that you are well._

_Albus Dumbledore._

It came as a shock to me to hear from Albus after all this time, but the opportunity that he had presented to me was one in a million for someone with my condition. I would be fed to my heart's content everyday through the glorious food that the house elves so lovingly provided. I would have a warm bed, decent living conditions, my own quarters, peace of mind that I was safe. I would be able to socialise, make friends, reunite with new ones, and forget the past.

And then I realised, something else hit me. Baby Ophelia would not be a baby anymore, she would be in her 3rd year of Hogwarts. My mind began to fill with the possibilities. What house was she in? Does she share her parents passion, quite frankly obsession for books? Is she clever? Will I recognise her? My mind filled with so many questions as I composed my reply to Albus.

_Dear Albus,_

_The offer you have presented me with is very gracious and generous, I would be a fool not to accept it. _

_I shall take the Hogwarts Express with the students on September 1st to avoid inconvenience in my arrival._

_ I've also been pondering the fate of my daughter. I know you will roll your eyes when you read this, but her fate has always been on my mind. Is she at Hogwarts? How is she doing? That is all I desire to know, for I know that things are still not stable enough for me to make my identity known and try to build a relationship with her. _

_Many thanks for this opportunity,_

_Remus Lupin_

Albus' reply came swiftly, for it was a simple, 'She is safe, she is smart and she loves books, her mother's and father's child no doubt'.

I sighed in relief. I knew he would not divulge anymore details than that, but it was a blessing to know that she retained some of her parent's qualities and that she was safe.

Leaning back into my chair, I closed my eyes for a second and felt more at peace than I have done for a while. Perhaps I will be able to sleep better tonight.


	4. My Delight Is Causer Of This Strife

**Chapter 4**

**Thank you for your reviews :) greedy/demanding that I'm craving more?**

**Here is Chapter 4, to make up for the fact that I probably won't post again until Wednesday due to exams. Hope this is enough to keep you going till then :)**

**Oh and by the way, the significance of the song is that is was number 1 in June 1980, when Orinthia was pregnant and Remus was somewhat happy. And the lyrics relate awesomely.**

**I've also decided to rename this fic based on a poem I found by my favourite poet from the Tudor times, Thomas Wyatt, so the new title is '_I find no peace_', which I thought was pretty relevant. The title before that based on the poem I've been told is too confusing, so second name change is in order**

I arrived at Platform 9 and 3/4 too early that day, I guess my eagerness got the better of me. Hogwarts is the only place that I've truly felt at home, and the wolf within me stirred in anticipation of what was to come.

A fit of excitement overwhelmed me last night, and I struggled to sleep. I simply laid awake, staring at the ceiling. I pondered, I daydreamed, I visualised my daughter, standing there before me, hugging me tight and calling me dad. In my mind, she was her mother's twin, those gentle brown eyes and honey curled hair that reminded me so much of Orinthia. All in anticipation for this day, and these moments, I hardly slept a wink. But it was completely worth it.

The moment they opened up the train, I stepped in, inhaling the scent of pumpkin pasties and home. So many good memories had been shared here with my friends. But they were all gone now, I thought in maundy reflection. A part of me hoped that being here would soothe my inner demons and turmultuous past, so I could work towards some sort of feasible future.

Walking the length and breadth of the train, I took deep, calming breaths as my mind stepped back in time.

_'Moony mate, you've got to stop making eyes at Orinthia, she's out of your league mate!' exclaimed Sirius with a toothy grin. 'I heard she's seeing that Slytherin bloke, Zabini, the Quidditch player with the big muscles?'_

_'I know Padfoot,' I replied with a sad smile. 'She's beautiful, rich and a pureblood. She has the world at her disposal, she'll probably end up marrying Zabini or Malfoy, producing an heir and never giving a second thought to a half-breed, half-blood like me. She'll never know that when she smiles in my direction, my heart melts and I just wish that she would see me!'_

_'Umm, Moony?' said James quietly. 'You said that pretty loudly, she's turned around. I think she heard you.'_

_'Shit,' I cursed to myself, spinning around in my chair to see a look on her face that was somewhere between shock and a smile._

_'That actually is a promising look Remus, you might be in there!' said Sirius willingly. 'Maybe Orinthia Averill, the gorgeous and talented Ravenclaw pureblood has noticed our dear Moony.'_

_'To be brutally honest, she didn't seem happy with Zabini, it's probably a parents thing,' admitted James, running a hand through his hair._

Bringing myself back to the present, I smiled to myself. She gave up everything for me, for love. Orinthia Maeve Averill, my one true love, turned her back on her pureblood elitist father and her inheritence to live in a grotty flat with me. I could hardly believe it even as it unrolled before my very eyes. Thank God that her mother was somewhat understanding and had moved to America away from her husband whilst the threat of war loomed.

Stifling a yawn, I found the compartment that we used to frequent in our Hogwarts days and took a seat close to the window, hoisting my trunk into the overhead space provided and sinking down into the not so comfortable seats. Feeling at ease for the first time in years, I gradually dozed off, oblivious to the increasing flow of students boarding the train.

It was the oddest sensation as I began to dream away. I hadn't dreamt in so long, and now here I was, dreaming in full force.

_Orinthia appeared before me, bathed in a white light, her hair surrounding her in gentle waves. She looked like an angel, my angel._

_I reached out for her, trying to hold her hand and share in her ethereal nature. She simply shrugged away from me with a bashful smile and started to sing 'The Winner Takes It All'._

_I was in your arms_

_Thinking I belonged there _

_I figured it made sense _

_Building me a fence _

_Building me a home _

_Thinking I'd be strong there _

_But I was a fool Playing by the rules_

_'I was a fool to play by the rules Remus, you were too,' she urged with a sad look upon her face. 'We should have fought to keep our baby, we should have fought to stay together. We thought by hiding from it, we could deny it, that it would go away. But it won't, it's still here Remus, right in front of us!'_

_The scene changed, we were no longer in a mysterious, clouded place, but our flat, looking on as our past selves held baby Ophelia close. Watching my past self, I saw him pick up the baby, cradle her close and whisper softly to her_

_I find no peace, and all my war is done._  
_I fear and hope. I burn and freeze like ice._  
_I fly above the wind, yet can I not arise;_  
_And nought I have, and all the world I season._  
_That loseth nor locketh holdeth me in prison_  
_And holdeth me not-yet can I scape no wise-_  
_Nor letteth me live nor die at my device,_  
_And yet of death it giveth me occasion._  
_Without eyen I see, and without tongue I plain._  
_I desire to perish, and yet I ask health._  
_I love another, and thus I hate myself._  
_I feed me in sorrow and laugh in all my pain;_  
_Likewise displeaseth me both life and death,_  
_And my delight is causer of this strife._

_'Remember these words my beautiful baby girl,' I heard myself say. 'The words of your ancestor, the best poet save for Shakespeare that the world has ever known. He endured many punishments for love, yet he stood strong in the face of adversity. I want that for you. Always stay strong, and perhaps one day, I will hold you in my arms again, when all of our wars are done and we may finally arise.'_

_The scene morphed again, and there I was, standing before a dementor, Orinthia screaming out to me as she held a child, 'Remus! Remus! Wake up! The dementors are here! Help us!'_

Snapping out from my slumber, I withdrew my wand in a heartbeat and cast my patronus, the owl raising its wings in broad defiance, chasing away the dementors that tormented the train. My eyes diverted to the students before me, as I saw Harry Potter descend to the ground. But all I could see was her.

She had bushy hair that reminded me so much of Orinthia, and her eyes, no mistake that's who she was. If any confirmation was needed, the wolf stirred even more within me, pining for their cub, wanting to nuzzle them and protect them given that they were so obviously shaken up. I had found her, I had found Ophelia.

'Hermione,' squeaked the red head beside her, a Weasley I would wager. So these must be the Golden Trio whom I have heard so much about, those who have twice overcame Voldemort, and a fully grown mountain troll from what I've heard. Impressive. Her name must be Hermione now, it was a nice name, I thought to myself. Very shakespearean. Her poet-loving mother would be proud.

I realised for a while I had been staring into space when the young girl said, 'Professor, are you okay?'

'Fine thank you,' I reply with a smile. 'It takes a lot of energy to conjure a patronus to ward off a dementor, I am a bit shaken but otherwise okay.'

'I've read about patronuses,' she said eagerly. 'It must have been a powerful memory for you to have conjured such an effective patronus. What was your memory?'

'I was thinking about my time at Hogwarts with my best friends,' I say, not quite honestly. 'The best times of my life.'

As she beamed, I produced some chocolate from my pocket and offered it around to them all, before excusing myself to speak to the train driver.

I breathed a sigh of quiet relief and anticipation. I had found her. She was almost exactly how I envisioned her, a carbon copy of a 13 year old Orinthia, down to the bushy hair. I saw her with a book in her hand, she must take after us in that respect, or those muggle genes must be doing something wrong. I felt connected to her already and I wonder if she had felt it too.

As we sat down to supper in the Great Hall, she was all I could think about. At long last I had found her!

Once in the privacy of my chambers I began to compose a letter to Orinthia, the first in 13 years.

_My dear love Orinthia,_

_I have found our dear sweet daughter, she is here, at Hogwarts! I am to teach DADA this year and I found her on the train. The wolf within me recognised her straight away and all I wanted to do was protect her. It was the first paternal feeling I have felt since that September day in 1980. Her name is now Hermione, Hermione Granger, I immediately thought of Shakespeare. She is very much our child, she looks so much like you and I have only known her for a few hours but I have never seen her without a book in her hand._

_Come back Orinthia, come back and let's be a family._

_Remus_

A few days later, my reply arrived, which broke my heart.

_Oh Remus,_

_She is clearly doing fine without us in her life, and although it pains me to do so, we need to move on. Perhaps when Voldemort is truly dead and the prophecy has been fulfilled that we can fully identify ourselves to her and be a family again. But my senses tell me that it will not be soon, and to make her aware now will be dangerous. She has an important contribution to make to ending this dark period of wizarding history, she will have to grow up very quickly._

_Your old friend Sirius is on the loose, protect our daughter, you do not know what vengence he will want to exact._

_Stay safe and do not do anything rash._

_Orinthia xx_

**Please review guys :) Song was 'The Winner Takes It All' by ABBA**_  
_


	5. Blame But Thyself

**Thanks for bearing with me guys, my exams are now over :)**

**Have skipped ahead in time to the end of Hermione's 3rd year, so at the end of the Prisoner of Azkaban**

**Chapter 5**

All year I had put up with suspicions from Severus Snape that I was helping my old friend Sirius into the castle to help harm Harry. All year I had held myself back around dear sweet Hermione in classes, getting to know Harry instead.

It killed me inside to hold myself back in Hermione's presence, resisting the urge deep inside me to say to her 'I am your father'. Everytime she said something impressive in lessons, everytime she said something that reminded me of Orinthia, I held back the comment 'you remind me so much of your mother'. Everytime I saw her with a book, I held back a smile at how she'd inherited my studious geeky nature. When I saw her scold Harry and Ron, I pensively thought back to my Hogwarts days when I used to scold James and Sirius for not doing their homework. It killed me that little bit more to be reminded of so many losses at once.

It was torture to hold back the name I first knew her by, Ophelia Averill-Lupin, constantly having to refer to her as Hermione or Miss Granger. It drove me mad all year long, and when I transformed, the wolf within me pined for their cub, desperate to hear their call so that they may be reunited. I would wake up the next day, bruised and broken, alive yet missing that crucial part of myself that I kept in denial, closeted away in secret, to be revisited in the private confines of my mind.

The marauders map, the obsession with seeing Peter's name on there when I believed him to be dead, that's what drove me to the Shrieking Shack that night. How foolish I was to not have taken the Wolfsbane Severus so begrudgingly provided.

I did not expect to behold the sights I saw that evening, not in the slightest. Sirius in dog form dragging poor Ron into the crevice under the tree, Ron and Hermione being swung around by the might of the Whomping Willow, being reunited with Sirius, learning the truth about everything.

We both knew what had to be done, Sirius and I. Peter had to die. It was only fair, he was the reason for all of our losses. He betrayed Orinthia and I, although we did not know it then, he was the reason we made the final decision to give away our child. The rat led to the death of our best friends! I was such an idiot to believe that Sirius had betrayed them, yet I was relieved that it was Peter. I had my suspicions about Peter, but believing that Sirius was the traitor killed me that little bit more inside.

But Harry, oh young Harry, Lily's son in so many aspects of his true nature despite looking like James, wanted to show Peter some mercy. He later told me that he did not want his dad's two best friends to become killers, because James wouldn't have wanted that. He wanted to hand Peter over to the dementors, and I noticed how he said it with venom in his eyes. And I was also mightily surprised by the way he attacked Severus, the way James' contempt shone through.

And then I saw dear Hermione, the way she looked at me with pure fear in her eyes. Oh God, she thought I was a monster too. She'd figured out I was a werewolf, truly the brightest witch of her age. I'd figured I'd hidden it so well, but clearly not. It made my heart ache even more than usual to know what she thought of me, and the wolf howled inside in pain, feeling the pull of the moon bringing him closer to the surface.

From then on, as I transformed with painful moans in Sirius' grip, I'll admit I do not remember much, I never do in my wolf form, but I remember feelings. Not as much as I do under the influence of wolfsbane, but granted as much as can be expected for a man losing touch with himself.

A prominent memory I had from then was when the wolf heard a call of its own kind, in the distance. It recognised the call, kin calling kin, and it followed it. It was the oddest sensation I had ever experienced in my wolf form, because I didn't feel the obligation to harm, but to nurture. The wolf remained unsatisfied, looking for its cub with a pining.

I had screwed things up big time, I hadn't taken my potion and I had put students at risk. I had frightened my poor clueless daughter into being unable to look me in the eye. She hated me for who I was, I knew it. I guess my chances of getting to know her were ruined.

Handing my resignation into Dumbledore, I gave a weary sigh and said, 'I've found her Albus.'

He returned my eye contact with a wistful twinkle and said, 'I know my boy. Our very talented Miss Granger. I knew it from the moment I met her Remus, she is exactly like Orinthia was at that age, although a lot more academic than her mother I do have to say. I suppose she gets that from you, you had a natural ability and wanted to learn to compensate for your condition. She's a lot like you Remus, her mother too. I also admire how you have kept your distance this year; I know how hard it must have been for you.'

I nodded, 'It was torture, is torture, I mean. She saw my transformation, she knows what I am. She hates me Albus, she's scared of me and I can't stay here to see that fear. I know Severus has let slip to most people that I am a werewolf, and the letters are no doubt flooding in demanding I leave the school. Perhaps it is for the best that I do. Don't fight for me Albus, let me take the blame and leave.'

'You would leave behind your child?' asked Albus. 'That is not like you at all.'

'She is clearly happy enough with her muggle parents,' I retorted. 'She doesn't know who I am to her, therefore she can't miss my presence in her life! Please Albus, just let me slip away as a once admired teacher who was a werewolf.'

'I'll adhere to your request then,' said Albus, with a scratch of his beard. 'Things are getting worse Remus, I fear Peter's escape shows how Voldemort may be rising once more. There are ways that he can return, you know that. And when he does, he will not rise slowly, it will be quick. We need to be prepared Remus. The Order may have to be reformed, and Hermione, Ron and Harry will be important to the fight. But my boy, I promise you that there will be the day when you can reveal all to young Miss Granger about her mother, father and godmother and bring Orinthia back from America.'

'Don't get my hopes up Albus,' I said to him warningly. 'That might not happen and if a war is coming, I will most likely die on the front line. I have resigned myself to the fact that she will never know the truth whilst we are both living. Let me leave.'

'Ok,' replied Albus in resignation, holding up his hands in defeat. 'I guess you should leave and pack up your belongings.'

'I shall,' I replied defeatedly.

And as I sat in my now former office, packing my things, Harry came and spoke to me. It was nice, to know that he didn't blame me, and that he had helped Sirius to be free, along with Buckbeak. He still kicked himself about not being able to keep hold of Peter, but he was not to blame. Peter Pettigrew couldn't have picked his animagus any better, for he was truly a rat.

Harry left soon after I finished packing, and to my surprise, on my way out I found Hermione, looking into the distance outside my classroom.

'I just wanted to let you know,' she said quietly, avoiding eye contact. 'That I don't blame you for what happened. You can't help what you are. I've known for so long and I didn't tell anyone because I knew that you would probably hate yourself and think of yourself as a monster. I wanted to let you know that I don't think that at all. You're the best Defense teacher we've ever had, and for some reason, I feel like I already know you. Harry feels it too, but I guess its because you knew James and Lily.'

'Thank you O...Hermione,' I splutter out, trying to hold my tongue. 'It means so much to me that I leave knowing that there is some kindness and understanding in the world to us lycanthropy sufferers. You will do so much good in the world, that I am sure of. Perhaps we will meet again someday.'


	6. Him That Loves You Faithfully

**Chapter 6**

I had far too much time on my hands after I had left Hogwarts. No wizard in their right mind would want to employ a werewolf like me, especially not one who had got loose during the full moon and attacked children. The time would come for me to get another job, but for now I had some leftover wages from Hogwarts to live on. That would suit me just fine, I never needed much anyway, and Minerva as always kept me in good supply of food. I worked out I could probably live like this for a year and be alright, I never spend that much as it was.

Whilst I had this time, I guess to reflect on the world as I know knew it, I decided to sort through my shabby old flat and set about making it somewhat homely. I figured that it can't be too long before the fighting was over, and I could be a proper father to Hermione.

I found some old boxes under my bed full of letters. I stopped my tidying and sat down on the cold wooden floor, brushing the box with my calloused hand. The letters that were never sent, I mused to myself. I pulled the pile out of the box and tipped the pile upside down so that the oldest letters were on top. I felt pensive and in need of reminiscing, especially now that I had found my daughter only to let her go again.

_Dear Ophelia,_

_It's been a week since I last held you, a week since I've had to say goodbye. I wish I could think of more to say, but in my grief I seem to have lost my mind. I hope that one day we will meet again, and you will know that your mother and I really do love you and every day apart from you kills us that little bit more inside. My biggest fear is that when or if you find out the truth, you will hate us for giving you up, convinced we didn't love you. The thought keeps me awake at night, and its almost as frightening as not having you and your mother here by my side. We gave you up to have a better life, so that you could be happy and have a childhood that didn't include running away from Death Eaters and being treated like an animal. You're perfect, you deserve so much more than that._

_Daddy loves you and misses you dearly._

The first of many, I thought to myself. I didn't write all the time, but when something happened or there was an important date, like her birthday, it would help release my pain to write things down. For Orinthia, she always liked to do this in verse through a poem, but I liked the interaction of a letter, even though it received no true interaction as it remained unsent. I frowned, despite knowing how these letters helped me somewhat to work through the darkest days of my life.

_Dear Ophelia,_

_It is your 1st birthday today. I remember when your mother was pregnant with you, we used to sit in bed and discuss the perfect 1st birthday party, especially once we found out you were a girl. We'd make a huge cake and enchant beautiful butterflies to fly out of it and dance around the room in a rainbow of colours, to make you smile and your beautiful eyes light up. We'd invite everyone; James, Lily, Sirius, Peter, Minerva, Albus, everyone we were closest to. The attention would be completely on you on your special day. We'd take as many pictures as we could and put them in an album, so that you would always be able to remember that day._

_So much has changed since then and I struggle to keep the tears at bay as I write. Albus has been no help, simply waffling on about the greater goods. James and Lily have gone into hiding and I hardly see them anymore. I was expecting to be told where they were so I could visit and spend some time with dear sweet Harry. But I think that I will never be told where they are until this is all over. They think I'm the spy, and it hurts me so bad to know that they don't trust me. I gave you up because I refused to join the ranks of the Death Eaters, I made the ultimate sacrifice, why would I then betray them?_

_On a more positive note, Minerva has been a lot more understanding, writing me at every chance she gets to make sure I'm okay and visiting me when she can. She has been dropping in every once in a while to make sure I'm alright and bringing food to sustain me. She's always been a fabulous cook. She found me this morning elbow deep in cake mix trying to make the perfect birthday cake for you, bless her heart she even tried to help me finish it. I've never been that good of a cook, but this cake was truly awful. It made it sink in that little bit more about how unrealistic my dreams for you were. So like any good wizard, I turned to firewhiskey to numb my pain and drown my sorrows. I think I will be spending a lot of your future birthday's like this._

_Love Daddy_

It seemed so surreal signing off as 'Love Daddy'. If we had never been separated, would she have been a daddy's girl? Would I be helpless to her demands and fluttering eyelashes? Would I be the pushover parent? Probably, I thought to myself with childish fantasy and a slight smile on my face.

I really did spend every birthday like I said I would, drunk to the heavens, buried at the bottle of some firewhiskey bottle. Even when we were at Hogwarts and I knew who my daughter truly was and the name that she now went by, I still found solace in a bottle, although not as much as before. Meeting her seemed to soothe my aching heart a bit, and the need to numb the pain wasn't so prominent anymore. It felt like a release of the shackles that bound me.

Sifting through the other letters, I found one dated November 1st 1981, the day after that dreaded Halloween.

_Dear Ophelia,_

_I am truly alone in the world. Yesterday was Halloween, you have not long turned two, and the world has got so much darker. Remember James and Lily, the friends of mine I told you had gone into hiding? Lord Voldemort found them and killed them. Somehow he broke the Fidelius charm to gain access to the house. By some shadow of a miracle, Harry survived and Voldemort was weakened by his own curse. How little Harry is still alive despite being hit with the killing curse is beyond me, but I am so glad he's safe._

_Dumbledore demanded that he go to live with his muggle aunt and uncle, especially now that Sirius is to be put on trial and in Azkaban for killing Peter. I tried to appeal to him but it was futile; he had already made up his mind. I just hope that the muggles are kind to him, just like I prayed with every fibre of my being that you would have nice muggles to look after you too, ones who are generous, ones who will understand when the time comes for your magic to be revealed._

_Love Daddy_

She must have good muggle parents, I pondered to myself. She looked far too happy and well adjusted to not have had a good upbringing. It made me feel so much better to know that the agency had done well in choosing parents for her, instead of Dumbledore choosing the only blood relatives close by and calling it a family like he did with Harry.

Ignoring the maundy letters that followed the next few years, full of hatred and self loathing and not a lot of substance I have to admit. Just a lot of rambling, which hurt me and helped me all in one, I think. The next one of true value and meaning I found from her 11th birthday.

_Dear Ophelia,_

_Today is your 11th birthday and if I'm right, Minerva will be visiting you to drop the w-bomb on you. You have been brought up as a muggle, you know yourself as a muggle, and today your life will change, your world will get a little bigger. I'm not sure how much Minerva will tell you, probably the standard Muggle-born explanation rather than hurting your heart with talk of you actually being the adopted, half-blood child of a beautiful Ravenclaw and a werewolf. Odd things have probably been happening to you over the last year, and you'll start to wonder whether you are the same as everyone else. Today you will find out you're not, you are truly special._

_Your mother and I have always wondered about what house you will end up in, being the child of a bookish Gryffindor and a Ravenclaw. Either way, you will serve out your academic potential with gusto; as I used to say to your mother, 'You Ravenclaws always take the credit for smart people, even if they were in different houses'. I wonder if the sorting hat will give the game away to you about who your parents are, they did to Sirius back in our first year. Whispered to him that he came from a long line of Slytherins, but he was different. I wonder what that wrinkled old piece of leather will say to you (the hat, not Sirius)._

_No doubt I'll hear from Dumbledore that you spend all of your time in the library. As long as its not dating Slytherins like your mother used to. Anything but dating. I hope when I find you, I find you as a bookworm rather than a girlish girl, your mother would be too happy to give you flirting tips. That is every father's worst nightmare. No dating until you're out of Hogwarts and no sex before marriage, by order of your father._

_Love Daddy_

I laughed to myself quietly. My dream for her had come true, she was a bookworm, and whilst she was happy and had friends, she appeared to have no interest in the male species outside of the friend zone. My heart leapt, thankfully she is more like her father when it comes to dating, awkward and shy.

I turned over the next piece of paper and found the letter I wrote to her that night I first met Hermione, the first night I gazed upon my daughter since she was a baby.

_Dear Ophelia,_

_Your name is Hermione, Hermione Jean Granger! Moony felt your presence on the Hogwarts Express and reached out for you, making me cast the patronus to protect his cub. It was such a beautiful feeling, like finding a part of myself again that has been lost for so long._

_It will be torture to have to teach you and leave my love for you at the door, but the fact that you are here makes me look and feel 10 years younger, like I've been dead for so long and have finally been resurrected. You look so much like your mother._

_This letter will be brief, you're currently outside my classroom waiting to ask me a question about the textbook that nobody's read yet. It's only the first day you mad child! You have your mother's eagerness and your father's academia. I will try not to smile like a fool and scare you into thinking I'm some sort of paedophile._

_Love Daddy_

Smiling at the little joke I inserted at the end, I realised just how much having her back in my life had changed me for the better. I was eating more, laughing at jokes, making more jokes myself. I had become a more jolly person, more free from the previous melancholy that dominated my life. And I just wanted to sing.

**_There's two things I know for sure_**  
**_She was sent here from heaven_**  
**_And she's daddy's little girl_**  
**_As I drop to my knees by her bed at night_**  
**_She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes_**  
**_And I thank God for all of the joy in my life_**  
**_Oh but most of all_**

**_For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer_**  
**_Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair_**  
**_Walk beside the pony daddy it's my first ride_**  
**_I know the cake looks funny daddy but I sure tried_**  
**_Oh with all that I've done wrong_**  
**_I must have done something right_**  
**_To deserve a hug every mornin'_**  
**_And butterfly kisses at night_**

And then I heard laughing, coming from the fire. Fires don't laugh, I smirked to myself as I turned around to see Sirius' face in the fire.

'My my Sirius,' I say solemnly. 'You're looking rather ashen, whatever is the matter?'

'Ah Moony, your jokes get me everytime,' he says with a smoky chuckle. 'Your singing however, reminds me why I put a silencing spell around the boys dorm bathroom when you were showering.'

'I figured,' was my bemused reply. 'So you know what's been going on this past year?'

'How Harry's little friend Hermione is actually Ophelia? I knew it from the moment I laid eyes on her,' he replied. 'She has Ophelia's wild curly hair and that little amber glow in her eyes that is you all over Moony. And she's got spunk, I will definitely give her that one. Definitely got the Gryffindor bravery and her mother's fiery temper. She'll do a lot of damage, that one.'

'I don't doubt it,' I reply. 'How is Harry doing? I hear news of the Triwizard tournament and it gives me nightmares. Surely they could have withdrawn him.'

'Albus told Harry it was impossible,' said Sirius with a frown. 'Hermione's been helping him as best she can, but it seems that Alastor Moody is being most beneficial. Although my friend, it is no coincidence that Harry's name was put in that goblet, that much I do know. Things will hot up soon, it will get dangerous. What advice should I give him? I've been visiting him in the fire.'

'Making sure he could properly disarm would be a start,' I ponder. 'So many witches and wizards can't, if you catch them offguard its a useful spell. Tell him as well the signs of the Imperius curse and mind control, although I daresay Alastor has been preparing them well for that one. And tell him to keep my daughter safe; the boy is a walking advert saying 'come attack the Boy who Lived'.'

Chuckling once more, Sirius said, 'Its good to see you smiling and laughing again. James and Lily used to fret so much about you. Have you been in contact with Orinthia?'

'Not since I told her I'd found Hermione,' I mused. 'She doesn't want too much contact until the war is over.'

'Makes sense I guess,' replied Sirius, his face deep in thought. 'You two were made for each other, it would hurt too much for you to have so much contact.'

'I know,' I said with a frown. 'I hope this is worthwhile Padfoot, I really do.'

'It will be Moony,' he confirmed assertively. 'Just stay strong. Why is there paper everywhere?'

'As a coping strategy, I used to write letters to Ophelia...well Hermione. I thought that once things were sorted and the truth came out, she might want to visit. I thought these letters might also show her how she is loved and how it hurt us so much to give her up. I don't want her to hate us for putting her up for adoption.'


	7. Overview to avoid confusion

Ok, an anon reviewer found the chapters confusing, so here's a breakdown. Most of the chapters are quite overview-y in their nature because Remus is looking back to the past.

**Chapter 1:** The past, when Hermione/Ophelia (one and the same) is born. Her parents (Orinthia and Remus Lupin) give her up because Remus refused to join the Death Eaters and so technically faces death/being a marked man. Remus makes Orinthia go to live with her mother in the States so that she will be safe.

**Chapter 2:** Remus is dwelling on the loss of his wife and daughter. James and Lily are still alive. Background of why the baby had to be given up (corrupt ministry, influence of Death Eaters etc). Peter was Orinthia and Remus' secret keeper, and their secret location was found. Therefore Remus is reluctant to trust Peter. The prophecy is revealed about baby Harry, James and Lily go into hiding. Remus isn't told where they are. He believes that they think he is the spy. James and Lily die, Remus wants to raise Harry and bring his family back together, Dumbledore convinces him otherwise.

**Chapter 3:** Dumbledore offers Remus the DADA position at Hogwarts. Remus wants to know about his daughter and whether she is at Hogwarts

**Chapter 4:** Remus travels to Hogwarts on the train. He thinks back to his Hogwarts memories, falls asleep, and has a weird abstract dream involving Orinthia. He wakes up to the dementor attack and conjures a patronus to send them away. Moony (his inner wolf) recognises Hermione as their daughter. Remus writes to Orinthia to tell her the news, but Orinthia wants to wait until Voldemort is truly dead for the truth to be revealed

**Chapter 5:** Set at the end of Prisoner of Azkaban with Remus' transformation as a werewolf and the truth being revealed about Sirius/Peter. Remus worries that Hermione thinks he's a monster and resigns. She comes to his office and tells him that she doesn't blame him and she feels like she has known him all her life.

**Chapter 6:** Remus is clearing out his flat, making it nice for the possibility that Hermione might visit when the truth is revealed. He finds letters that he wrote to her but never sent and decides to put them together so that she knows how hard it was to give her up. Sirius visits him through the floo and they talk about Harry's problems with the Triwizard Tournament.

**Chapter 7:** This chapter

**Chapter 8:** Remus is in his flat on the day of the Final task of the Triwizard tournament. He reflects on the prospect of Hermione dating Victor Krum and the Rita Skeeter article about Hermione and Harry. Dumbledore and McGonagall visit him to tell him that Voldemort has returned and the Order of the Phoenix will be reformed. He gives Minerva a book called 'The Art of War' to give to Hermione, in hope that it will help her learn some military tactics that might be useful.

Figured doing it this way would clear up any confusion :)


	8. A Cloud of Dark Disdain

**Chapter 7 - A Cloud of Dark Disdain**

**Hey guys, I have put an overview chapter as Chapter 6 as an anon reviewer said they found some elements of the story confusing. So for complete clarity, as I post each chapter, I will edit the overview. I was expecting a bit of confusion due to the blurry line between baby Ophelia and Hermione and the introduction of an OC. I'm hoping that the chapters will be less confusing as the story progresses :)**

**Sorry for such a delayed post, I had my last exam on Monday, my prom on Tuesday and the inevitable hangover yesterday.**

It was Summer and the Triwizard tournament is due to finish today, I thought to myself. I hope Harry managed to hold his own in the maze, he wouldn't be able to rely on Hermione or Moody's help in that agricultural and logistical nightmare. I couldn't help but feel protective towards Harry as James' son, he was so much like his father and mother combined that it almost felt like they were still here. It was a stupid delusion, I know, but it gave me the smallest amount of comfort now that they had gone.

I had found a job as a cleaner for a local muggle office, the money wasn't incredibly amazing, but it kept me busy enough to distract myself from worrying about Harry being thrust into the limelight once more over the Triwizard Tournament. How his name got into the Goblet of Fire, I will probably never find out, but in my heart I know that he would not do it. He knows how precious life is given how tragically his parents were taken away from him, he would not put himself at such risk intentionally. It would have taken great power to hoodwink the goblet, and that's what scared me most.

Hermione was never far from my thoughts either, I knew she would be channelling her mother's personality at this moment in time, worrying about Harry and mothering him to his dismay and probably embarrassment. I'd been sent a copy of the Daily Prophet when her and Harry had made the front page. At first I was alarmed to see the conclusions Rita Skeeter had drawn, but as they say, a picture says 1000 words. Clearly Rita Skeeter's words were the wrong ones, because I knew for sure that they could never be more than the best of friends that acted like siblings. If James was anything to go by, or James' father, Harry would find a life partner in a red head. Seemed to be the Potter male's key weakness, as James told me the night he married Lily.

Besides, I fear that Hermione's affections may lie with a certain other red head, that being Ronald Weasley. I hear that at the Yule Ball, he really did upset her, but more in the sense that she wanted him to notice her, well according to Minerva. She has been keeping me updated on how Hermione's been doing. I was so pleased to hear about her still keeping on every single class she took in her 3rd year with the time turner; well except divination. I wonder if Minerva has let slip yet that Orinthia did the exact same thing at her age, refusing to believe something that could not be proven, and reacting rather angrily when challenged.

Despite being pleased about her academic progress, I was not happy to hear Minerva's cautious tale of one Victor Krum pursuing my daughter's affections. I could have wrung someone's neck there and then, luckily I was alone. Moony was particularly strong that day, being close to the full moon, and had he sensed Victor Krum anywhere in the vicinity, I may have had no choice but to attack. Moony was fuming at the news, as was I. Minerva promised me that Hermione could handle it though, and so I chose to trust her judgement. I never thought that this day would come so soon, where I would have to acknowledge how my child is growing up and developing feelings for the opposite sex. Although she doesn't appear to have inherited her mother's taste in Slytherin boys, and that is a small blessing which brings me some reassurance.

I had been sitting in my flat on this warm night with all of the windows open and a cooling charm around myself; with my constant companion of a book in my hand. Like Hermione, books were a key part of my life, and I loved to read anything, wizarding or muggle in it's origin. My companion today proved to be 'Brave New World', by Aldous Huxley. The rigid hierarchies made me think so much of Voldemort's wishes to keep everyone in their place, and their genetic engineering reminiscent of their desire to build a pure race. Not so different from Nazi Germany, I mused to myself. Nonetheless, this book was a real eye opener and very well written, I had to say. I had become somewhat of an insomniac, it was nearing midnight and I did not feel the pull of exhaustion as I used to. So in my usual style, I sat up in my chair and read.

My reading was interrupted by a hasty owl flying through the open window, with a piece of parchment attached to their leg. Taking the letter, I quickly read the few words that graced it.

_Remus,_

_Something has gone wrong, very wrong. _

_Albus and I will be visiting you this evening, probably soon after you read this._

_Minerva_

Worry began to infiltrate my every heartbeat. Were Hermione or Harry injured? I did not want to even imagine the possibilities of the news they had for me, for fear of killing myself before they arrived.

The tell tale sign of a guest at the floo beckoned, and Albus and Minerva were standing before me. Brushing the soot off their robes, they stepped into my lounge and took a seat.

'It's not good Remus I'm afraid,' said Albus. 'Lord Voldemort has returned.'

'But, how?' I splutter, bringing my hands to my forehead and leaning into them.

'An ancient ritual, involving flesh of the servant, bone of the father and blood of the enemy,' replied Albus gravely with a frown. 'You've heard of it?'

'I have,' I respond with a grimace. 'Is Harry okay?'

Reaching over to me and taking my hand, Minerva replied, 'The boy is fine Remus, however Cedric Diggory was not as fortunate.'

'The cup was a portkey,' continued Albus. 'Hidden within the depths of the maze, the Triwizard Cup transported Harry and Cedric to a graveyard. The Diggory boy was killed almost immediately, and Harry duelled the Dark Lord himself. He managed to take the portkey back to here.'

'I still don't understand how,' I said in confusion, still not being able to grasp the reason.

'Alastor Moody was not who he said he was,' said Albus. 'He was in fact Barty Crouch Jnr, a loyal Death Eater and impostor. That's why he had been giving Harry so much help. He put Harry's name into the Goblet, he is responsible for all of this.'

'So he is back,' I reply austerely, beginning to massage my temples.

'You know what this means Remus,' said Minerva soothingly. 'The Order of the Phoenix will have to be reformed. Sirius has volunteered Grimmauld Place as Headquarters and the meetings will start next week. And you also know that because of their involvement, Harry and Hermione will also be there. Will you be okay with that Remus?'

'I will have to be,' I stated, not entirely happy with the consequences. 'I shall have to bite my tongue for another year about how she has two parents and a godmother that she does not know about, two of which she will be working with in the Order!'

'Hush Remus,' she said, holding my hand. 'I swore on the day she was born that I would protect her as her godmother, even if it was in secret. Nothing has changed. You have done so well in concealing yourself so far, and I sincerely hope that it would not be long until we can all be honest about this. She will respond well to you, my boy, I'm sure. She doted on you as a teacher, she has told you that she feels a connection with you like she has known you all her life. She will embrace you once the truth has come to light.'

'Will you join Remus?' asked Albus. 'Will you fight for what you believe in alongside your friends, former colleagues, former students and your daughter?'

'I will,' I replied, rising out of my chair.

'Where on earth are you going?' asked Minerva.

Scanning my bookshelf, I replied, 'Am looking for a book.' As I found it and eased it out of its place on the dusty shelf, I handed it to Minerva. 'Please give this to Hermione. You don't have to tell her it was from me, but I think it might be useful.'

'The Art of War,' she said, looking at the cover.

'She is smart, she has seen a lot, but she will need to start thinking like a fighter. I think she will be a good tactician, always thinking outside of the box. Help her to understand her enemy Albus, Harry too. For I'm not sure yet they know exactly what he is capable of.'


End file.
